Xiaobian's friend, Xiaopi Mama, encountered such a problem. Every time she took the child to the supermarket, the child refused to leave in front of the toy shelf. He must have bought his favorite toy before he stopped.
What is annoying to my friends is that if there are no toys of the same type in the family, but the toys in the family are too many to be released, the children are still unable to control the purchase and buy! People watching, it's too bad... No way! Every time a friend fails in this round, he can only meet the child’s request.
My friends are very worried that in the long run this will not be compromised in principle with the children. Will the children become more and more unreasonable and make trouble every time?
This scenario may have appeared in many families. If we are children's mothers, what should we do?
Xiao Bian believes that first of all, our position must be firm, because -
Frequent compromises with children will make them “addictiveâ€!
Psychologist Skinner once did such an experiment by putting a hungry mouse into a buttoned box. At the beginning of the mouse click on the button and food would fall into the box. So every time the mouse wants to eat, it will press the box button.
In the next phase of the experiment, the researchers tried to reduce the provision of food. From the beginning, there was “a button to have food†and then gradually reduced to “a few minutes before there was foodâ€. At the end, there was no food at all. The researchers found that the mice gradually did not press the buttons. Eventually, even if they heard something rustling in the nozzles, they were indifferent.
The inspiration for this experiment is that when the child finds himself crying as soon as he gets a toy, he will continue to use this method to achieve his own purpose. Parents always meet the children's requirements in a non-principle manner. In fact, they strengthen the children's demand for toys.
The behavior of the child seems to get worse after the child is tested. In fact, the vast majority of children who buy toys in this way will not be cherished and will have new requirements after a few days. The child will not regard this toy as a treasure, and even this toy is very cheap in the child's heart.
However, if parents insist on principles in front of their children, even if they do not buy toys, then the child will slowly understand: crying is useless. After all, lying on the ground to cry is also a very arduous task. Over time, the child's behavior of asking for toys through crying and splattering will gradually reduce, giving up this "one crying, two stricken, three tumbling" mode.
Then the question came again! The child cried and he did not buy a toy. Did he always hang him there to cry?
No, we have a lot of things we can do to achieve these points. We can even prevent children from having similar behaviors.
1, before the supermarket, give children a good shot
Before going to the supermarket, tell your child what you are going to buy today, let the children know what they are, what they can buy, and what is not within the scope of the purchase plan.
2. When the child wants to buy a toy, don't rush to say "no"
If your child likes a toy, don't rush to refuse it. A decisive word “no†can easily light the child's emotions.
You can first ask the child, for example, "Why do you want this car?" The child will feel that he is understood by the parents and will be willing to communicate, and then tell the child the reason for buying or not buying the toy for the actual situation.
For example, tell him: "Yes! But can you buy it on your birthday?"
Or say: "You bought a toy this month and you have to buy it until next month!"
Of course, if we make such a promise to our children, we must put toys in front of our children on that day.
Delaying to meet the child's needs not only avoids refusal of the child, but also allows the child to look forward to the toy.
Maybe when we are mothers, we all want to buy the best things in our own capacity. But we also need to know that if we love children with restraint, we will not become love.
3, children still crying, do not talk with ta "genuine knowledge"
If the child's emotions have not calmed down and still crying, some mothers may not be able to control their emotions.
"I knew I didn't bring you!"
"You know you cry! Do you know how shameful you are now?"
In fact, this will only create a cycle of negative anxiety, leading to deterioration of the situation. It is a great frustration to know that a child wants something but is rejected. What the child needs is understanding instead of facing an emotionally uncontrollable adult.
Only when we stay calm, we can handle the emotions of our children.
4. Let the child experience a sense of accomplishment in other things
Children don't get their beloved toys immediately, and their hearts feel more or less a little lost. At this moment, mothers can shift their attention and make them feel happy or have a sense of accomplishment in other things.
For example, ask your child:
"How many tomatoes do we have to buy today? Mom can't remember..."
"Pick up an apple. Can you help Mom to call it?"
In addition to toys in the supermarket, there must be a lot of new things to attract children, let the children become your "little assistant" and let him busy. In this way, children will only know toys and toys when they arrive at supermarkets.
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